Tales of SymPHONYa
by Piro the Renagade writer
Summary: Lloyd's a pyro, Raine's addicted to trash, Collete needs some Ritlin, Genis is an idiot, and Kratos is a voodoo...WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE? ch. 4 up!
1. Of pyros, lunatics, and dumbasses

Long ago there existed a giant tree that was the source of mana.  
Some moron, though decided to get a stick of fire and burn it down.  
the hero that was trying to stop this guy was sacrificed Annoyed at the stupid person's stupidity,  
the goddess went unto the heavens, ranting and raving about stupid people. So the goddess slept and left the angels with this edict: "awake me, for if I sleep, the world will die"  
The angels, being the panic stricken morons they are, bore the chosen who would one day save the earth. And that marked the regeneration of the world.

"Lloyd Irving wake up! Lloyd!"

A flying chalk eraser zoomed across the room and hit Lloyd square in the nose. Lloyd, angered by this, quicly brought out his lighter and flicked it on hoping to capture the culprit red-handed. But, unbeknownst to Lloyd, the teacher threw this eraser at him...and lighters were banned from the school house ever since Lloyd's "accident" 2 years ago.

"How do you manage to sleep standing?" the teacher asked frustratingly.

"Oh...professor! is...is...CLASS IS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!" with that, Lloyd ran straight for the door but not getting far, considering Raine grabbed him around the collar and pulled him back to his seat.

"Never mind. Genis, why don't you answer the question?"

Genis awoke from his day-dreaming of finding a cure for the common cold and started to stammer, "Um...um...Mithos signed the Decleration of Independence in 1729?"

"Correct..."

Genis sighed. Luckily for him his sister/teacher was addicted to trash and found a small paper ball on the floor, and was soon entranced by it's complexity.

Suddenly, there was a blinding flash of light, "GAAAHH! I HAVE GONE BLIND!" Lloyd shouted, nearly falling out of his chair in the process.

"SETTLE YOUR ASS DOWN! now I will leave you all unattended and unwatched so you can easily skip class, I will be back soon," Raine said

As soon as Lloyd saw Raine walk out he quickly pulled out his lighter and set a pencil on fire. Then, getting bored with it, he started to walk out of the door. As soon as Genis saw this he ran to the door and said, "what do you think you are doing?!? If you leave, Raine will knock you up!"

"It's research," Lloyd said indifferently, "besides Colette's coming too, right Colette?"

Colette walked over and said, "YAY! An adventure! I AM SO HAPPY!"

"Good let's go!" said Lloyd and lit his lighter and set a nearby desk and its occupant on fire.

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Ten minutes later Lloyd and the gang (hehe Lloyd has a gang) were at the Martel Temple.

"That must be the light of the oracle," Genis said.

"yup," Lloyd said while lighting a nearby branch on fire.

Suddenly a man walked down the stone steps and said, "Chosen!" then he fell to the ground.

"The Desians invaded the temple and now I'm…I'm…I'm…"

"SPIT IT OUT OLD MAN!"

"I'm fricken dying, you happy now?" and then he vanished into thin air.

…

…

…

The only response that came was this: "WTF?"

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Okay why am I even writing this? I dunno but who cares? Anyway chapters will get funnier! i dont know why i didn't put the training monsters in here...maybe it was because that scene wasn't interesting enough...

PeAcE 


	2. Kratos the voodoo

HA! A note to the idiot who flamed this story even though he's probably not reading this: listen if you don't like the story why did you review? Jeez look at you! You don't even write stories! Why should I take advice from a moron who cant write and cant get a hold of his own life so he makes every one else's life a living hell? HA! Bottom line folks, if you're gonna flame, at least be able to back it up. This moron seems like the exact person I hate: a jackass.

For all the people who aren't idiots: thanx for the reviews! It inspired me to write this next chapter! Here's a response:

FreakyLeaf: well now's your chance! READ!

Velocity-of-light: thanx man!

Tracy: thanx! Ill try adding more soon considering schools being a bitch! (haha I said a cuss word!)

Icy Chinoumi: I know there should be:D

Me (no not ME, the reviewer!) : umm…okay dude.

ShimaGenki: aww thanx!

Kerushi: yea this story is speshel!

I've also decided that Kratos will be like voodoo, since I'm no good at poetry.

Anyways! On with the show! (a.n.: im probably not gonna include all the elements of the story since im lazy...)

**Tales of SymPHONYa ch.2**

After the group had defeated the two "Desian" soldiers a big dude came along. He was big and had a big rod and ball...NOT THAT KIND YA CREEPS!

"YOU...SHAL NOT...PASS!" the big man said all Gandalfish.

The battle ensued. It was about after two hits that the team beant down and tried to take a break, geez what a bunch of weaklings!

"Man, this guy's tough!" Lloyd said in exasperation.

The big man went in for the kill...BUT WAS BLOCKED! DUN DUN DUUUUUN!111!111one!11!

Lloyd looked up at who had blocked the attack, he was 6,2 had brownish-red spiky hair, and a cool long sword...once again, not in that way. The only thing that scared Lloyd outta his suspenders was that he carried around a little bobble head of a black man with wierd white hair and was thanking it for some reason.

"Thank you Joboo," The man said to his bobble head, he then beat the living fo shizzle outta the big dude with the big ball and stick.

"Thanks for saving us mister!" Genis said somewhat annoyingly.

"Don't thank me, thank Joboo!" the man remarked, thrusting out his bobble head.

Lloyd looked at the man's coat tails of his outfit an , sneakilly, set it ablaze. The snickering behind the man alerted him to the fact that he was on fire.

"LLOYD! THAT WAS SOOOOO FUNNY! I'M GONNA ROLL AROUND ON THE GROUND NOW!" Colette said shrilly, and with that, she dropped to the ground and rolled around. This gave the man a good look at Lloyd's exphere.

"Your name is Lloyd?"

"Who are you to ask for my name punk? WAIT! I know you! You're the evil man who stole my pancakes the other day!" Lloyd practically yelled.

"So those pancakes were your's? I-I mean...I am Kratos, a mercenary. As long as you pay me I will protect the chosen."

"Very well," Phaidra said, finally appearing in this twisted fic, "But bear in mind that their are all sorts of monsters and bad people in there so my advice is-"

"OUTTA THE WAY GRANNY!" Lloyd yelled and set poor Phaidra on fire.

"ohmygodimonfire," Phaidra said before dropping to the ground and looking like a charred fire log.

PASSAGE OF TIME-

"So this is the Sorceror's Ring!" Lloyd said enthusiastically, putting the ring on, "I wonder what it does..." Lloyd used it and to his joy it spewed...hehe...spewed...funny word...it spewed fire. "OH MY GOD! THIS IS THE BEST RING EVER!11!1!111one!11"

Kratos looked at the fire Lloyd had made and started dancing around it making wierd noises, waving his bobble head.

PASSAGE OF TIME-

The angel flew in from the cieling. "Okay! That's far enough!" he whispered to the ceiling.

Colette looked at the angel with starry eyes...or maybe that was the result of the sugar...either way the angel spoke to her.

"Chosen of regeneration, we of Cruxis bless this event and bestow upon Sylverant the Tower of Damnna-I-I mean Salvation"

The gang (yes they are still a gang) looked out the window and saw in the distance a magnificent tower going up to the heavens. Then a bird crapped on it and crashed into it.

The gang's reaction was quick and precise.

WTF!

END CHAPTER

MUAHAHAHAAHHHAHAHAHAHAHA! I am so evil...well be sure to R&R!


	3. Hulk Hogan should take lessons from Rain...

UPDATE SO SOON! WHY!

cause i gots insperation!

MY REVIEWERS ARE SO COOL!

not gonna answer any today!

**Tales of SymPHONYa ch. 3**

Lloyd and Genis both walked down the stone steps leading to the main hall of the temple.

"MARVELOUS!"

"Professor?" Lloyd stupidly questioned to Raine as she came into sight observing a small pencil broken in two.

"LLOYD! GENIS! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING HERE?" Raine yelled so loud as to make anyone deph...did i spell that right?

"I told you Raine would knock you up," Genis remarked, but then Raine adavanced on him.

"You should know better Genis!" Raine hollered once more. Then, in a vicious act of "corporal punishment" Raine grabbed Genis by the throat and choke-slammed him into the ground.

"owie..." Genis whined, writhing and jerking on the floor.

"You're next Lloyd, are you ready?"

"Oh shi-"

The rest of Lloyd's words were not heard, as he was grabbed by Raine, put upside-down, and given a tombstone piledriver.

"Maybe that will teach you not to skip class! Good day to you!" Raine said after the vicious attack. Then she walked further into the temple looking for the extremely rare oragami swan that she had to add to her collection of junk. Did i say junk? I meant her great assortment of artifacts...ahem...

"Ow..." Lloyd whined a little as he got up, rubbing his neck, "How is it that our when battle time comes Raine totally sucks, but when she punishes us she uses mad skillz?"

"Cause Raine is at her special time of the month," Genis remarked.

"You mean her period?" Lloyd asked somewaht stupidly.

"No," Genis said a little annoyance in his voice, "It's that time when her Nintendo Power doesn't arive on schedule and she gets pissed.

PASSAGE OF TIME...VERY VERY FAR INTO THE FUTURE

"So Lloyd, can i come with you half way to Dirk's?" Genis asked his pyro friend.

"Why? You don't have any friends!" Lloyd then did the all-famous Nelson laugh, "HAHA!" he laughed while pointing at Genis.

"Whatever," Genis shrugged and said: "but can we go to my house first, to get my stuff."

"What stuff?"

"Oh you know...cooking materials...my extra kendama...my plans for finding the cure to the common cold..."

Genis than caught the blank look on Lloyd's face, sighed and concluded: "...and explosives."

"COOL!" Lloyd said all happy like.

PASSAGE OF TIME

"Marble! Whattup homes?" Genis asked the old lady behind the fence to the human ranch.

"Not much Genis, just chillen," the old lady answered.

"Cool cool, so did you see the Tower of Salvation?"

"Yes, Genis, I can see across the fricken ocean. Also i have the time and energy to look at the sky when Desians are being masochists every waking moment.

"Hey old man," Lloyd said to Marble.

"His name's Marble!" Genis remarked, not fully aware of Marble's gender.

"Marble, wanna key crest for your exphere?"

"Of course i do, otherwise If they take it off of me i will become an evil chocolate pancake brownie man!"

"HEY! OLD MAN! WHAT THE HELL YOU DOIN?"

"Shit, it's the fuzz," Marble said, "RUN GENIS AND LLOYD! RUUUUUUN!"

PASSAGE OF TIME

"You go back to the village, I'll act as the decoy," Lloyd said bravely.

"Ok...wait, what's a decoy?"

Genis shot fire balls at the Desians, Lloyd jumped on the fence, Genis tripped.

"Uh-oh" Lloyd said then attacked the desians. Unfortunately for the Desians, Lloyd had a full box of matches and some of Genis's explosives...pyros rock.

BOOM

This boom could be heard all the way to Luin, their reaction was quick and precise...we all know what's coming here...

WTF!

I am not very happy with this chapter, I made it at 1:30 at night, and was running out of insperation. Expect to see more as time progresses.

"


	4. I hope this chapter can take it

I'M BAAAACK! Yes, after a year or so, I have returned. Sanity, run for the hills.

**Tales of SymPHONYa ch. 4: I hope this chapter can take it!**

It was a fine day as Lloyd went back to his home with matches in hand. Yes, the same matches that made Desians asplode last chapter.

"I'm home mom," He said to a nearby gravestone. What a frikken moron...Lloyd then walked inside the house of his incredibly Irish step-dad, Dirk, who was also a dwarf. In other words, he's a midget that can grant wishes and sits in your garden all day.

"Lloyd me ladddy!" Dirk shouted, "YE DIDN'T GO NEAR THE DESIAN RANCH DID YE?!"

"Uh...Yes?"

"GAH!" And with that, Dirk pulled out a giant hammer and started swinging it wildly at Lloyd. Lloyd just stood there bewildered, throwing barrels at Dirk, ala Donkey Kong.

"Dad! Calm down!" Lloyd tried to calm his surrogate father down, also trying to ask him something, "Can you make me a key crest?!"

"GAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!" Dirk finally hit Lloyd. Lloyd spun around a few times and fell down unconscious. Once again, ala Donkey Kong.

PASSAGE OF TIME TIME TIME TIM...who the hell's Tim?

Lloyd, along with Genis walked into Colette's house. There sat Colette's loser father, and her grandmother, now suffering 3rd degree burns. Along with them was crazy-ass voodoo boy Kratos, and the local trash compactor, Raine. Also there was the southern Mayor.

"So it's decided," the mayor said in a southern drawl, "the Chosen will be accompanied by Kratos and Raine! Thank god she ain't bein' accompanied by those damn Higgers."

(Don't sue me, I'm funny!)

Kratos just worshipped his little voodoo bobble-head while Raine was eating a pencil to "Increase it's value." Only Colette noticed Lloyd and Genis standing at the door.

"OMGZ0RZ! HAI GUYZZZ!!!!!" Colette practically glomped them both in a horribly fangirlish way.

From the impact of Genis' landing, he was knocked out cold for a few seconds. When he came to, Lloyd asked, "Hey Genis, what's up?"

Genis just stared at Colette, unable to really speak. Soon enough Colette glomped Lloyd yet again, "GAH! Genis! What do your half-elf skills say about her sugar level?!"

Genis took a nearby cup and smashed it in his hand, "It's over NINE THOUSAAAAAAAND!"

"WHAT!? NINE THOUSAND?!" Lloyd yelled.

PASSAGE OF TIME TIME TIME TIMEZ0R!

Lloyd walked into his own house a little fearfully. He walked up the stairs and saw that Colette was there, though she wasn't hyped up on sugar, and she was staring at the moon.

"Lloyd," she began, searching for words to say, "I…Um…I'm leaving tomorrow."

"Kay bye," Lloyd said simply and pushed her off the roof.

THE NEXT MORNING!

Lloyd walked downstairs with the determination that he would go with Colette on her journey of regeneration. However, he was distracted by something shiny by his mom's grave and went to investigate.

What was shiny was his dad's watch. Dirk turned to Lloyd and handed him a key crest, "There. That should help you for whatever you need it for."

"Lloyd!" Genis was running at Lloyd, trying to tell him something, "Lloyd! Where were you!? Colette's already left!"

"WHAT!? Oh shit…Oh shit oh shit…Gotta get moving!"

"Lloyd, wait," Dirk said, and handed Lloyd a map, "That should help you get through Sylvarant better…I have another one that's more in detail, but I think it's in my other pants pocket," Dirk looked at the ground solemnly, "Only, it doesn't make a bit of difference guys! Colette's gone, remember?!" Then unexpectedly, Dirk gave Lloyd a swift kick in the nuts.

Genis nodded from the side, "The balls are inert."

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I couldn't help but add that reference this chapter. Seeya next time.


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